THE DATING GAME:
WHY GENERATION Z SWIPES LEFT ON LOVE AND COMMITMENT
Swipe right….Swipe left…or Swipe off.
Communication, commitment, and love are just a few words that can change an individual’s perspective on dating. Online dating and this new hook-up culture are the main reasons why Generation Z has a difficult time committing to one person.
By: Brooke Ruffin
Q News
For Generation Z, people born between 1997 and 2012, dating is a struggle. Technology and online dating have made it difficult for people to develop long-lasting relationships. What does love look like in the Age of Tinder?
DATING 101 - IT'S COMPLICATED
Dating has changed and so has the way we communicate with each other. Technology has made it easier for us to connect, which is not always a good thing. Relationships take time to build. Most of Generation Z keeps relationships on the surface, rarely investing the effort necessary to build a successful relationship.
Dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge make it easy to search through hundreds of profiles at any time of the day. People scroll through apps like kids in a candy shop. With so many choices, how can anyone settle for just one person?
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For Ben Smith, 24, bartender, the answer is, he can't. Smith has been dating his current girlfriend for two years, but he has also been on Tinder, and Bumble dating other women on the side because he likes the excitement of meeting a lot of women.
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"The temptation is so great to always be meeting new people. It makes it hard to settle with one person when you are wondering if someone else might be better," Smith states.
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According to an article in Yale News, 57 million people use Tinder around the world and 35 percent are college students ages 18-24. Generation Z has become fully invested in dating apps as a way of meeting others. It is fast, easy and requires no commitment.
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​Technology and online dating have complicated relationships. Instead of taking accountability, people can just disappear, a term all too familiar to Generation Z called ghosting. It is easy to become thoughtless and selfish behind technology. Unfortunately, this behavior then spills over into real relationships adding to further fears of getting involved with others.
Swipe left for no and swipe right for yes. Slide into their DM.
"I am busy with work and graduate school. I actually ghosted someone because I wasn't ready to make a commitment and I didn't know what to say. It just seems to be the norm," expresses Smith.
Love is found.
For Dr. Sadie Leder Elder, a researcher at High Point University who focuses on the topic of close relationships, serious connections only happen face-to-face, "Technology has changed our expectations of how quickly someone responds to you, the level of disclosure, and the interpersonal dynamics of communication that you would have with another person face-to-face."
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In the past, people made connections meeting up face-to-face. Getting to know someone took time.
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Technology and people's schedules have permanently changed that dynamic.
SO MANY CHOICES, SO LITTLE TIME
Many are not looking for “the one." Instead, they are looking for “the right-now.”
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Today, there is a fear of commitment. Relationships can be filled with drama. They can take time away from other goals and activities. This mindset, along with online dating has given way to the hook-up culture, prominent on college campuses across the country. Hookups and friends with benefits have replaced girlfriends and boyfriends.
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This hookup culture is more of a physical attraction whereas
relationships and commitment are emotional attractions to each other.
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There are many reasons the hookup culture has become so popular with Generation Z.
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"When you show people affection, they don't know how to handle it and they get scared and run away," Grant Hines, 20, junior at HPU expresses how rejection and hurt leads the other individual to take the easy way out. For others the number of choices makes it difficult to choose.
By keeping options open at all times there is never a fear of missing out on something better tomorrow. People would rather spend a few hours with someone they don’t know, rather than searching out for a potential long-term love. For Chloe Brussard, 20, sophomore at HPU states that, "This hookup culture is more of a physical attraction whereas relationships and commitment are emotional attractions to each other."
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People now are focusing more on themselves, their studies, their jobs and their future. Building a relationship takes up time that can be better spent doing other things. Finding “the one” is not a top priority for many, but not all. It comes down to priorities.
WORTH THE RISK?
Fear can stop a person from achieving their dreams. Same goes for relationships. The process of committing to another individual can be scary for a lot of people.
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Upon speaking with students at High Point University, many stated that they are scared to get involved in a real relationship because they don't know what they want. Others fear rejection. Some revealed that they don’t know how to love someone else because they are just learning how to love themselves. They are “a work in progress.”
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Grant Hines, 20, an HPU junior, expresses that many people are too afraid to act and be themselves in front of strangers. “Many individuals beat around the bush when it comes to love, people don't put themselves out there."
Dr. Michael B. Brown, Professor of Religion at HPU and author of The Love Principle, states, “It takes a while to fall in love because love involves other dynamics," says Dr. Michael B. Brown, Professor of Religion at HPU. "Do we have the listening skills, the trust to share, the willingness to place the needs of another person on an equal level, and are we willing to carve out time when hard times come by that might not be Hallmark movies?"
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Love requires two people opening up to each other. It is a two-way street and requires risks.
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"It costs nothing to be honest, it costs nothing to be truthful, it costs nothing to try to be in a relationship," states Kelsey Harper, 21, junior at HPU.
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Can it be that simple?
When love leads to, "I do."
UNPREPARED OR UNCOMMITTED?
Generation Z has often been branded as too dependent and lacking life skills. Many grew up with under the spotlight of helicopter parents. Others grew up always on the go with days and weekends booked with sports and activities. Could this have left Generation Z unprepared for love and commitment?
“I think the younger generations are more afraid to take risks for love and in life. People today give up too easily. We had to overcome tremendous obstacles to make things work. I watch my children and grandchildren and their frustration with dating and relationships," said Edwina Tripp, 80, a retired public relations specialist, a widow and mother of two. "My husband and I wrote letters back and forth for two years before we were married. We were married for 5o years."
A relationship built through love letters that lasted 50 years.
Or maybe Generation Z is committed, but just has other priorities. According to Pew Research, “Members of Gen Z are on track to be the most well-educated generation yet with 57% enrolled in a two-year or four-year college.”
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The drive for success can get in the way for many to connect on deeper levels. There simply isn’t the time. “I am not going to put a relationship ahead of my education because I want to go to grad school,” states Zach Hurwitz, 20, junior at HPU.
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The lack of time for deep meaningful relationships is taking a toll on this generation. According to an article in USA Today, Generation Z is the loneliest generation not only because of social media use, but because of the lack of daily interaction with neighbors, friends and co-workers. The hookup culture is taking a toll.
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“At the core, people need people. We don’t like to be alone and we crave connection,” states Dr. Sadie Leder Elder, Associate Professor of Psychology at HPU.
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Social platforms influence the way we think, feel, and see one another. As a result, insecurities, commitment issues, and the fear of rejection, have plagued Generation Z.
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Time, effort, and common core values, are necessary factors to sustaining a long-lasting relationship.
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Tripp states, “My advice for Generation Z is to take the time to love. Time is precious and goes by quickly. It is better to love and lost than never to have loved at all.”
